How I did It in My First Attempt😎💪

How to Fail in Prelims with the help of an Agitated Mind

Or, How I did It in My First Attempt😎💪

Long post ahead –

In my first attempt, I used to give a lot of importance to test series marks. Even when I scored well on some tests, I focused more on the ones where I performed poorly (natural human psychology, I guess). That really took a toll on my mental health.

Also, every minor issue in my life—even silly ones like not getting an Uber on time (hypothetical example because the actual issues were so silly that I don't even remember them😂)—I took these very personally. I kept thinking, “Why are only bad things happening to me?” That mindset really started affecting my preparation.

Along with that, I was working day and night, not giving much importance to proper food or sleep. My mindset was: “If I can save one more minute, I can read two more lines for UPSC.” I was diagnosed with a cortisol imbalance, and I didn’t even bother to visit a doctor because I thought, “If I save that time, I can read one more chapter from Laxmikanth.” (Yes, you're right—I was a psycho🙈)

But somehow, I had a narrow belief in my GS preparation and went to the exam somewhat confidently.

Then came the D-Day: 28 May, 2023.

I entered the exam hall with a thin, fabricated layer of confidence. And then came another disaster: the invigilators!

I was assigned to a lab hall in an engineering college, with 60 students and 6 invigilators. All of them were so excited that they didn’t stop talking for a minute during those two hours😢 No one, including me, had the courage to say anything—we silently suffered.

And then, the paper: a GS paper with 50–60 pairwise questions. Thank you, UPSC!

Midway through, another blow: I wrongly bubbled an OMR answer for a sure-shot question.

Still, I somehow kept myself afloat with the narrow confidence I had Somehow, I managed to get through the GS paper, holding myself together just enough.

Then came the critical three hours on Prelims day—the gap between GS and CSAT.

I started thinking and evaluating everything that had happened so far.

My mind was rephrasing Paulo Coelho: “If you really, really want something, the entire universe will come together to fail you.”😅

I entered the CSAT hall with a pessimistic mindset—and yes, the same invigilators.

After about half an hour, I started realizing that the CSAT paper was tough. I shifted into panic mode. I tried solving each question but couldn’t, because my mind was agitated. I was making simple calculation errors, then redoing them—which only made things worse as it was wasting more time.

I was frantically flipping through the question paper, trying to solve one question, leaving it midway, jumping to another one—exactly how a stressed mind works.

The invigilators’ constant chatter provided the perfect background score to this frantic situation—even better than an Anirudh musical!

In the midst of the exam, I was already thinking about failing this attempt and writing another one in 2024

With two hours of effort, I forcefully pulled my ship from the shore of success to the shore of failure. I ended up scoring 65 marks in CSAT—thanks to my anxiety.

And that is why I always emphasize the importance of confidence in the exam hall during Prelims. There were a few questions I could have easily solved with a calm mind—just some simple counting. That would’ve given me at least 2.5 more marks.

But I couldn’t do it, because I was filled with anxiety—and, apparently, a determined will to fail this attempt

In short, here’s the summary of my failure formula:

1. Focusing too much on test scores

2. Too much negative thinking, overthinking, and not maintaining a positive mindset. Not believing in the efforts I had put in.

3. Letting silly issues occupy my mind and feeling like everything was happening against me.

4. Frantically studying during the last two weeks, giving zero importance to a healthy mind, proper food, or sleep. On exam day, I had to walk into the hall with a tired mind.

5. Not communicating my concerns to the invigilators even once.

(“Njan onn urakke karanjenkil chilappol avar unarnnene.” — Hitler movie.jpeg. Only for Malayalis, please 😂)

6. Lacking confidence on exam day and overthinking even during the exam.

7. Shifting to panic mode during the exam, which seriously affected my ability to solve questions.

8. Giving up in the middle of the exam and not fighting till the last moment.

I hope you all take note of these mistakes and try not to repeat them in these last two weeks.

I know staying calm is easier said than done—but that’s how this exam works. At the very least, you have to start believing that you deserve to win for all the hard work you’ve put in. Whenever a negative thought comes to your mind, try to counter it with positivity and remind yourself that you are going to make it. (As they say, fake it till you make it😅)

All the best!❤️

I’ll share the mistakes from my second attempt later.

You might be thinking, “Ithinu oru avasanam ille?😂”

No! I can honestly write a whole book about the number of blunders I’ve made during Prelims.🤓